I’ve explained in previous posts why I don’t celebrate the new year (according to Greg’s calendar, as someone put it), but I’ve never broached the topic of Christmas, though I have long felt uncomfortable about it. I don’t identify as Christian, and nor do I wish to participate in the commercial side of the occasion. I have no issue with marking the winter solstice and the rebirth of the sun (and the year), but this does not translate to the Australian summer. The incongruity of it (and Easter in autumn, Halloween in spring) is part of what increases my discomfort. We are so disconnected from the land and the seasons that we don’t seem to mind that the celebration doesn’t make any sense!
I’ve justified my involvement based on it being the most convenient time for a family gathering, and I may as well make and eat some special food. But my recent experience has made me think more deeply about what I dislike about the silly season.
In addition to the unease created by the disjunction between festival and season, the imposition of symbols and traditions that do not fit the context, there is a great deal of stress, anxiety, energy expenditure and anticipation, and a great deal of disappointment, tedium and emotional drain. I find being in large groups dissipates my energy, whilst with one or two people there can be more of a concentration of it. In both cases there is a cost, but while the latter can be productive and enlivening, the former merely results in depletion.
This time of year is exhausting, and it becomes depressing, not just because of the fatigue, but because the requirement to participate in a gathering of many people is so counterproductive. To me it is not ‘quality time’ but just a lot of noise. The consequence is more, not less, loneliness, misunderstanding and invisibility.
I know I’m not the only person to feel this way, for many people struggle with their mental/emotional health at this time of year. And I have it on good authority that other women who contracted Covid over Christmas have expressed similar thoughts to mine. How interesting that we feel relief more than sadness.
I’m not sure what will happen next year, but I wanted to put these thoughts out there, to make it clear that there are other ways to think about what most people seem to accept as given, and that some of us have different needs and wishes in regards to our interactions with others. I’m not sure that I can say no right now, but maybe one day I will be able to make that choice for myself.
For those who are wondering, after some initial aches and pains, my Covid symptoms were very mild, and I seem to be mostly recovered, though I will be taking things easy for a while yet, because much as I love the idea of summer, the reality has never really agreed with me. Luckily, I made the finishing touches to my bedroom redecoration (which took over a year!) by hanging some pictures a week before Christmas, so I had three little images by Meinrad Craighead to look at while I was isolating. I also had books, music, much food, and I saw a snake glide through the backyard, which was exciting (the second this summer). So being sick turned out to be something of an enjoyable little retreat, which brought a whole range of feelings, thoughts and insights, and I am rather grateful for all of it.
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| The view from my bed, with the wall looking more grey than it actually is, and my quilt cover looking more orange. |