Beginning

Today I am 33 years old and I think I am finally ready.

What I am about to say is perhaps somewhat subversive, preoccupied as mainstream society is with youth, health, productivity and success, determinedly shying away from the often discomfiting, shadow side of life, from any admission of weakness or unconventionality . . . But I have never been one for conformity, and I am determined to speak my Truth, come what may.

That Truth is that I have lived for well over half of my life with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). And yes, I am not afraid to admit that for many years it made me withdrawn, isolated. 

Existing, but not really living. 

Hidden.

Silenced.

Yet with time, and some much-needed advice and encouragement to assist me on my way, my perception underwent a radical transformation, for my illness, in a strange and roundabout way, became a gift. (Though please understand that I am not making light of the seriousness of it, for it still imposes many limitations). 

So, this blog is not going to be about how my illness affects me negatively. 

Instead it will be about how CFS has become an ally, a fellow traveller in this life—an enabler. In the sense that it allows me to spend time working on my own development, to read much and widely, and to pursue creative and spiritual work. It has led me to follow a certain winding and wonderful path, and for that I am grateful. 

I intend to use this blog as a place to share something of my perspective, as someone living with a chronic illness, and therefore living on the edge of ‘normal society’, dwelling in the borderlands, the shadowlands, where things are not always as they seem. 

In addition: 

To share my creative endeavours in word and image, as well as ideas, books I am reading, and art and writing that I love.

To find my way to a better place, a more magical, handmade life. 

To create beauty.

There will, I hope, be an ecological focus, an emphasis on the feminine, the wild, the riotously creative, and the oh-so-important work of reconnecting with the more-than-human, with the Others who we share this planet with. This is part of my own small contribution to the healing of the Earth, which is so sorely needed in this time of planetary destruction.

More than anything, this blog will be about connection, about forging relationships—in the teeming and tangled web that is the Internet—and finding a community of likeminded souls. My kin. My tribe.

It will be about no longer being silent, hidden, masked, but coming out into the light and speaking with my own voice, authentically and fearlessly. 

Welcome, one and all, to the Wellspring. I am glad you have travelled this way.

Landscape II (after Alan Lee)